i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
