she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
