Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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