Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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