Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
