My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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