Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize