Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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