Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
