You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
