You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
