she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
