I'm so fucking centered right now
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
