i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
