Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
