Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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