I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
