Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
