I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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