new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
