how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
