Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
