Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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