I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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