Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
