dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
