So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
