I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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