The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
50% drunk capacity currently
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
