Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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