dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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