sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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