he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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