Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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