oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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