I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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