sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
