Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
