if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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