I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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