Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize