I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
