why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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