They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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