you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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