If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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