I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were trust falling into bushes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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