piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize