The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
