The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
