if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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