sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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