I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
