Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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