I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
