Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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