dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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