Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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