Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
