I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
