I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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