I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
